The homosexual agenda of Gilligan’s Island.

Gilligan’s Island is usually dismissed as low-brow camp by most cultural warriors. Little do they know that this 60’s TV show was one of the first salvos fired in the Culture Wars by the gay left. The level of cunning by the “homintern” was so profound that few people are even aware that Gilligan’s Island was not really about sitcom; it was really a set of encoded gay “lifestyle” symbols.

Let’s look at this carefully and decode the encrypted message. My first clue was way back in the 80’s when mainstream society was shocked by the announcement that Rock Hudson was dying of AIDS. Few outside of Hollywood knew that he was gay, and that his “marriage “was really a sham. I remembered back to Gilligan’s Island and how hetero sex-bomb Ginger was always lusting after Rock Hudson. With numerous men to pick from for Ginger to lust after why pick Hudson? Surely the script writers for Gilligan’s Island were Hollywood “insiders” who must have know that Hudson was gay. If they did know, why make a joke of it? Could it be that the “in-joke” of Hudson’s orientation was funnier to gay men than to straight men? As I pondered this profound question as a college student in Missoula Montana, I was simply too ignorant of the vast and subtle “gay agenda” to decipher any more clues. It would take years for me to figure it all out.

Clue number one; Hetero Ginger lusts after in-the-closet-gay man. Hetero Ginger is a character obviously based on Marilyn Monroe. Now what kind of men have a particular fascination with Marilyn Monroe? Gay men!

Clue number two; The character of Mary-Ann is clearly based on Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. (A down-to-earth girl from Kansas who is suddenly thrust into an exotic place far from her home). Dorothy was played by Judy Garland. What kind of men have a particular veneration for Judy Garland? Gay men!

Clue number three; the strange relationship between the Skipper and his “first mate” .Remember, the skipper and Gilligan are both “seamen”. But this is just the start. Gilligan is constantly ribbing the skipper about being fat. Why? Because this gives the Skipper the chance to tell Gilligan (and the audience) that he is “big boned”. Notice that with all the space on the island Gilligan and the Skipper not only share the same hut but one sleeps above the other one! This bunk bed mentality is only needed when space is at a premium. But Gilligan sleeping above the Skipper allows for the “comedic device” of Gilligan periodically falling down on top of Skipper. Falling onto Skipper’s “big bone”.

Clue number four; Mr. and Mrs. Howell do not sleep together. This is clearly an allusion to the Hollywood practice of the gay “sham marriage”. Think Rock Hudson and that other famous “in-the-closet” guy. Conspiracy researcher Tim Cridland asserts that the gay connection with Mr. Howell is that Mr. Howell was played by Jim Backus who had previously done the voice for the cartoon character Mr. Magoo who Cridland asserts is clearly a “chocolate stabber”.

Clue number five; The hero himself, Gilligan. Why is it “funny” that Gilligan is always resisting the advances of Ginger, the Hollywood sex bomb? Why does this scenario – utterly bogus for a straight young man- crop up again and again? Ga-Ga-Ga-Gilligan is Ga-Ga-Ga-Gay……

Clue number six is the most encrypted of all. The Professor. On the surface he seems to be as straight as an arrow, even though he is oddly “wooden” when he is around “the girls”. The answer is in whom “The Professor” is supposed to be, i.e. what person in real life might he represent. The clue is in the theme song. Note that the line “three hour tour” is repeated, suggesting its subtle importance. The group could be said to be “touring”. Touring is the Key! But not touring as in going on tour but Turing, specifically Alan Turing gay British mathematician! The professor represents Alan Turing!

Well there you have it, now I think you will watch Gilligan’s Island in a whole new way. Clearly this is only the first step in understanding. How many more TV shows are really just encrypted gay lifestyle symbols? I don’t’ know yet but I have recently learned that some researchers are suspecting SpongeBob Squarepants of being gay.

By they way, his pants aren’t square, as they are not planar, they are three dimensional. Further, they are not even cubic, as they are wider than they are tall. Therefore he should properly be referred to as “Spongebob Parallelepiped Pants”.