Orgone Research

Monday, December 25, 2006

Weird Al's Blowjob

Years ago, I went out on a few dates with a gal named Sally. Sally was a friend of an ex-girlfriend, so I had known her casually for a while. At the time, she lived in West Seattle and I lived in Wallingford. She had just broken up with her boyfriend, and claimed she lived in fear of retaliation. She wanted to buy a gun and learn how to shoot it and I obliged by helping her out. At the time, I was much more the gun nut than I am now, in the sense that I simply went out target shooting more. I agreed to teach her what I could about firearm safety and marksmanship.

I knew Sally had done a few stand-up comedy gigs in Seattle, mostly opening for headliners. She told me she was a comedian, but I had to wonder if she could make enough money to support herself doing just that. My spidey sense was beginning to tell me that she was not quite on the level, that she was holding things back.

By that time I had taught several individuals, including women, how to shoot guns and I had always enjoyed the student-teacher relationship. Sally was not the best student, and seemed to not want to listen to what I tried to tell her. This is not a good thing with firearms.

I finally learned that Sally was indeed more than a comedian, that she was a stripper! She did the "bachelor party" thing, and claimed to incorperate her "comedy" into her stripper act. Though I had been with Sally on several occasions, nothing sexual had happened between us. I was beginning to question whether our relationship was "going anywhere".

One day at the firing range, Sally dropped something of a bombsell on me. She told me that she had previously been an all-out prostitute! She claimed to have had sex with "hundreds" of men, in some sort of escort service capacity. She claimed that she didn't even appreciate having orgasms while with her customers, as she claimed it represented a loss of control.

But what really threw me for a loop was how this information was affecting our nascent relationship. I was beginning to get this icky feeling that Sally was something of a cock-tease, at least with regards to me. I suspected it was that old hooker-stripper mentality, which usually includes a disdain for men coupled with a need to exert power over men. She was beginning to tell me about all kinds of explicit sexual behavior to me, all without putting out. One time while I was over at her house she decided to change her clothes, all the while leaving the door open, and carrying on a conversation with me.

The cock-teasing came to a peak when she began to describe to me how she didn't like to spend much time with her clients when she was a prostitute, and so developed world-class blowjob technique, designed to make her clients come especially quickly. Sally also had the advantage of being good looking, albeit in a sort of long-faced, Ann Coulter way.

Eventually I could see the writting on the wall, and I decided that I didn't want to pursue being involved with this individual. But the strangest part of the story is her tale of being involved with fellow comedian Weird Al Yankovic. She claimed she knew Yankovic, and had hung out with him in Los Angeles. In typical groupie fashion, she bedded Yankovic, but claimed that due to his religious beliefs, something like Seventh Day Adventist or Jehovah's Witness, he was unwilling to have premarital sex with her. Instead she performed one of her world-class blowjobs...

True or not, this story inevitably colors my reaction when I watch Yankovic's videos.

1 Comments:

At 1:10 PM, Blogger richardgoczinia said...

Hey Crowley,

Why don't you get off of your skinny white ass and write a new blog entry? I am getting sick and tired of reading about Weird Al's fellatiatic adventure every damn day for the past three months.

Love,
Richard

 

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